I am married since 3 years. I love my wife and understanding the responsibility of a single son try to ensure that I am keeping my widow mother happy. My problem is that my wife compares herself with my mother. She gets depressed if i share something (work progress, health issues, general stuff) with mother before sharing with her and sometimes reacts aggressively. I do not know how to cope with this issue in light of Islam. I have tried explaining my wife to control her feelings and understand my relationship with my mother which seems to work for few days along with some emotional apologies but then her possessive nature returns back and becomes very obvious through her attitude, this sometimes becomes very embarrassing for me.
Can I apply the Islamic restriction of sharing bed with her during these conditions, is there any Islamic reference that i can share with her that would help her to control her feelings.
Also guide if my behavior needs correction in light of Islam.
You and your wife should have a very serious conversation regarding this matter. In fact, it is advisable that you seek a professional to deal with the matter. The problem you are having is not a religious matter so we are limited in what we can say. The admonition that is given in the Quran should not be seen as a religious duty or as a divine prescription. Al Nisa’ 4:35 makes it clear that the main concern of the Qur’an is “Islah” (i.e. reconciliation) between the couple. The admonitions that are mentioned are those that could work in the socio-cultural circumstances that the main addressees of the Qur’an were living. It is up to the person to decide very carefully and wisely whether the same measures would work for his family or not. In fact, if the measures directed by the Qur’an work opposite their objective (that is Islah), then they should not be implemented and should be adjusted or adapted as appropriate. Again, find a professional to give you the best advice on this matter. He or she should also be able to assist your wife to learn how to cope with her concerns.
From what you describe, you seem to be an understanding and caring individual so there is no concern on your part that you are doing wrong. We hope that the proper person is able to give you appropriate advice. It could be of great benefit to you and your family.
I hope this helps.
God knows best.