I strongly believe in Salat-e-Istikhara. I did Istikhara for my marriage to seek Allah’s advice. I interpreted the dream as a positive reply from Allah (SWT), and I married that girl. My wife had a seizure after 10 days of marriage. I found out that she has epilepsy, long before the marriage, for about 2 years. She got another seizure after a month or so after the marriage. Her family did not tell us about her disease, fearing that she will not get married. This placed a distrust in my heart for her. She was well educated and should have told me about this disease before the marriage. I took her to doctors (neurologist) and they started treatment on her. Doctors say that it takes two to three years for the complete treatment, and after that they will run some diagnostics to confirm if the patient has been cured or not. If the patient does not get cured then the patient needs to stay on the treatment for the rest of the life. After spending one year with her and learning the complications of her disease, I started thinking whether to continue my marriage with her or to divorce her, since she cheated me by not informing me about her disease before the marriage. However, I was also afraid that if I divorce her on this basis, Allah (SWT) might not be pleased with me. So I decided to do Istikhara. I performed the 2 rakat salat followed by Dua Istikhara for seven days. Then I talked to a righteous and religious man who gives interpretations of dreams. I explained to him everything as mentioned above including the dream I had for the Istikhara about getting married.
He told me to divorce her and to seek another wife. He also told me that you should have come to me when you did Istikhara for marriage instead of interpreting it yourself. He said that Allah (SWT) informed you about this disease at that time.
I feel relieved after doing Istikhara, but at the same time I have a soft spot for my wife in my heart. It is very likely that she might not get married again. I am having a hard time implementing the decision of divorce. I seek your advice in this critical situation on what to do, and if I divorce my wife how to make it less painful for her.
As I have stated earlier in my responses to related questions, dreams are only one possible way of any divine indication or guidance in an issue, as a result of the Istikharah supplication. Furthermore, a person should not perceive any and every dream that he sees as a divine indication, in response to his Istikharah supplication. I would, especially, not be very comfortable in basing any significant decisions on any such dreams, for the interpretation of which I have to refer to any scholars of the field. Were God to give me an indication or sign in response to my Istikharah supplication, such an indication would logically be comprehendible and satisfying to my own self rather than requiring explanation of the experts of the field. In view of these points, I would not recommend that you depend on the interpretation of your dream, as given by the scholar who has recommended you to divorce your wife, especially when you have yourself stated that “I have a soft spot for my wife in my heart” and that “I am having a hard time implementing the decision of divorce”, which clearly implies that your heart is not fully satisfied with the potential decision.
I would, therefore, recommend that you consider the whole situation from the perspective of what moral implications it entails for you.
I do submit that by not clarifying the situation to you before the marriage, your wife has not been ‘fair’ to you. But, my dear brother, there is no one amongst us – fallible humans – who can claim to have been ‘fair’ in all our interpersonal dealings and interactions. We have all erred at one time or another during our lives. We have hurt people, we have broken promises and sometimes, we might even have told lies to save our selves of small embarrassments. None of us is perfect. Why, then, should we require perfection in others?
I do submit that you may not be unjustified in feeling cheated by your wife, due to her lack of disclosure of such an important information, yet I request and plead you to forgive her for it. Today, when you feel to have been wronged, treat your wrongdoer with the same grace, mercy and forgiveness as you would wish those whom you have – intentionally or unintentionally – wronged would treat you in the Hereafter. Provide your ailing wife the shadows of your forgiveness and affection as you would hope that God would grant you the shadow of His mercy from the scorching fires of Hell. I request you, therefore, to forgive your wife and stand by her side when she needs your support the most. I assure you that in return of your caring attitude, God will stand by you in times when you shall need His support the most.
I would, therefore, suggest that you continue with your marriage and help your wife overcome her medical problems and while you take her to the doctor and give her the recommended doses of medicine, do not forget to pray to God to cure her – with His abounding mercy and grace – and to accept your deeds of helping and standing by a ‘human being’ in times of her needs.
I hope this helps.
July 28, 2002