I recently converted to Islam, having been brought-up within the Christian tradition and having once been a Christian then lost my faith before becoming a Muslim, which my Father disapproved of.
My Father and I do not get along, he doesn’t value my opinions unless they correspond with his. Because we have very little in common I don’t tend to speak to him in conversation often and he complains I don’t talk to him but when I do he either disregards my opinions as stupid, makes a joke out of them or he ends up crying when he questions my beliefs and I in reply destroy his illusions, for example that God isn’t a man with a white beard sitting on his throne in heaven.
Before I was a Muslim I was looking for Christmas presents in my fathers bedroom (as kids do; I was 13 at the time I am now 18)I came across at the the bottom of a chest of draws beside his bed, a large collection of hardcore pornographic material (gay and lesbian) along with sex toys. I also found Erotic Magazines that had been ordered in my name. On top of this chest of draws was a Bible which made me feel like he was a hypocrite. This destroyed my image of my Father as a Role Model who I looked up to.
I couldn’t tell him because I was and still am afraid that he might harm me.
Once when I had gone out I came back to discover from my Mother that my Father had been in my bed room going through my personal belongings, which he didn’t know I knew and said that he had no interest in my bed room.
As our relationship became worse I no longer wanted to speak to him, and unfortunately although I shouldn’t judge him and I try not to, I looked and still look upon him with disdain and disgust.
All this culminated in his taking his anger because of our situation out on me when he beat me up, if my mother and brother hadn’t stopped him a lot more damage could have been done to me. As a result were no longer talk to each other which is hard because we all live together, and the feelings I feel towards him are anger, hatred and revenge and although I try to be civil, it is making it extremely hard to practice my faith.
Since their is NO chance of us getting on how and what in Islam’s view should I do?
May the Almighty guide us all to the path of His liking.
In view of my extensive involvement in the up-gradation of the website (http://www.understanding-islam.com), I am not in a position to write a detailed response to your question. I am writing a brief response to your question. In case you would like to discuss the issue further, I would then request you to kindly resend me your question during the latter part of August, by which time, I hope to have completed the up-gradation project. My brief response follows:
Parents, irrespective of their religious affiliations, have the biggest right on us, after only the Almighty Himself. In view of this significant position of parents, I would request you to patiently persevere with the situation that you are faced with. Try to deal with your father in the politest of manners. Try avoid discussing issues, which are likely to end in an argument. Try to find topics which are common between the two of you. Try your best in avoiding to air any points of differences, even if they amount to as much of a significance as you have mentioned. I assure you, my dear brother, our love, affection and empathy is likely to have a much stronger affect on others – especially our loved ones – than our arguments in convincing them.
My dear brother, even though what you have written is quite disturbing, yet I would request you not to let it affect your love and affection for your father. Always bear in mind that as long as a person is allowed to breathe God’s air, he has the potential of correcting himself. The test of this life continues till death and till death, all humans have the potential of changing their destiny. Do not despair of God’s mercy. Concentrate, with all your might, on materializing the potential of correction in your father. However, keep in mind that the two most important factors in this effort should be: 1) Winning him back through your love and affection, completely ignoring his faults and fully concentrating on furthering the potential of goodness and kindness in him; and 2) Praying to the Almighty from the depths of your heart to help him find the path of eternal success and living the rest of his life in consonance with that path. Sincere prayer, my dear brother, can do much more than we can even imagine.
My young brother, I know that what I ask of you is quite difficult, yet I assure you that if you sincerely ask God to bestow upon you the patience and the perseverance to overcome the difficulties in treading this path, you shall never be disappointed. I remind you, my dear brother, of the words of the Qur’an:
Nor can goodness and evil be equal. Return (evil) with what is best. Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate. And no one can exercise this except those are steadfast (in the way of Allah); no one except persons of the greatest good fortune. (Fussilat 41: 34 – 35)
Make it a challenge for yourself to win love, affection and respect in your father’s heart, for the purpose of finally helping him live a life, which leads him to the eternal bliss of paradise.
May the Almighty be your guide and your strength.
My fondest regards and prayers for you.