Question
To Allah belongs all praise! Imam sahib, please reply to my question in detail as soon as possible as I am really caught up in between the situation and the permissible response. Imam sahib, I am really confused and seek your help and guidance in terms of what to do according to Quran and Sunnah Imam Sahib, I have known this girl for 3 years now since i was at university. I had told my mom that i like this girl since the start. Recently I asked my mom to approach her family for the proposal regarding marriage. My mom has spoken to her mother and told her that she wants to meet to discuss the possibility of marriage. Her mother had agreed and I know that her mother also opted for Istikhara from somebody pious. The first time, i was told that the result of istikhara was average. Yesterday, i was told by them that the second istikhara by some other person has resulted in negative and indicated serious problems in the long run. I think it might be relevant in the context that about 1 and half year back, the girl broke up with me and it was as almost as over. I prayed in Mecca to Allah day and night of either making it work or making my heart strong to let it go. Even i felt that there was no way to mend things at that time. However, once i started praying my faith in her grew everyday and things got better and better with everyday. Since then, I have always had this strong faith that Allah will make this thing work and since then I have always prayed to Allah make her a favourable option and bestow His kindness and approval on this matter. Infact, this is the only dua i have had for myself in the last 2 years. My parents are willing to meet her parents to see if it is practical in terms of families or not. My parents believe in istikhara as well but think that a person should ask Allah for guidance incase of confusion but first should try to analyse and evaluate themselves. Even after being told by her about the result of the istikhara that her mom asked somebody else to do, I still have this strong faith that Allah will somehow make this thing work. I have also asked my parents to do a istikhara and my father has agreed to do a istikhara himself in Mecca. Imam Sahib, please guide me according to Quran and Sunnah and with relevant reference so that I can tell her about the following.
- What is the concept of “Ishtiara” prior to “Istikhara”? I’ve heard that it is recommended that a person should carry on to gather information and evaluate to the best of their knowledge and should do Istikhara in the case of a confusion if it arises.
- Should a person do Istikhara themselves or through parents or should they ask other people who are not directly aware and involved in the matter to do the istikhara?
- How reliable can be Istikhara done by other people who don’t have a direct stake in the matter? I have read somewhere that Istikhara should be done by the person involved.
- Also, how many times should a person do a Istikhara? Should they be content with 1-2 times or should it be done 7 times incase it comes unfavorable?
- What if the istikhara comes favorable from one side and unfavorable from other side?? Imam sahib, also can u recommend a dua which can be prayed to make unfavorable circumstances better with the will of Allah. Please quote any relevant hadith or fatwa with reference in this regard and please reply as soon as possible in detail as I am really really worried.
JazakAllah
Answer
- One should make the wisest decision based on all the information available. Deciding on matters in a prudent way is the best method to go by while maintaining a strong connection with the Almighty.
- Istikhara is a personal dua. There is no Islamic basis to ask anyone else to do it for you.
- Istikharas are not supposed to be done by others. It is a dua requesting that God guide the person involved in the matter. Signs, dreams or symbols and the likes have no bearing on the matter. Hence, what you have been told regarding “average” or “negative” Istikhara has no foundation in Islam. It is simply something someone made up not related to the Islamic dua. One should tread very carefully and not base their decisions in life on people’s capricious fancies.
- Istikhara is supposed to occur only once. However, you can make as many duas as you would like. Istikhara is not like a crystal ball that gives you answers and if you keep asking it it will change if you ask it enough times. Istikhara is a dua for God’s guidance, it is not magical. After one performs Istikhara then he should believe that whatever decisions he makes were guided by God’s help.
- There is no “favorable” or “unfavorable.” It is simply a dua not a method of fortune telling. Any dua you make that comes from your heart will insha’Allah be accepted by the Almighty. If things become favorable be thankful. If things remain unfavorable be thankful. You may want something that may not be in your best interest yet not know it. With the proper dua you should trust that God will guide you to do what is best for you.
I hope this helps.
God knows best.