Some Questions on Sexual Behavior

What are the limits of sexual behavior between a man and his wife? When I say limits, I mean are there any restrictions with respect to conduct in an intercourse, e.g. is only the missionary position considered acceptable? Is oral sex acceptable? How about the restrictions on other kinds of sex, e.g. anal sex? Can one have sex solely for the purpose of enjoyment or can its only allowable purpose be to plan an offspring?

Reply

In my opinion, the only limitation (besides prohibition of sexual relations during menstruation) placed by Islam on the act of sex between a husband and wife is that it should not entail any unnatural act. The Qur’an says:

"When [their menstruation period is over and] they have cleansed themselves come to them from where Allah has guided you" (Al-Baqarah 2: 222)

It must be remembered that the phrase "… from where Allah has guided you" refers to the natural make up and the physiological structure of the human body. We eat through our mouths as that is the natural way of eating; no person in his right state of mind considers putting food in his nose or eyes. This is so because the natural make up and the physiological structure of the human body requires that to satisfy our hunger, food should only be put in the mouth. The natural requirements and the natural methods of fulfilling these basic requirements can thus be called a part of the Divine guidance given to mankind. The sexual act is no exception. In my opinion, therefore the basic guiding principle regarding the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is that the sexual need should be satisfied in a way which is in congruence with the natural make up and the physiological structure of the human body.

Keeping this basic principle in perspective, it is my opinion that the Qur’an has imposed absolutely no restrictions on the relationship between a husband and wife. The Qur’an says;

"They (i.e. your wives) are [like] a dress for you and you [like] a dress for them." (Al-Baqarah 2: 187)

These words of the Qur’an are an indication of the kind of relationship that is required between a husband and a wife. One of the important aspects of calling this relationship a dress is that a dress provides a covering for our private parts from the world. In the same way, the relationship between a husband and wife should be such that it provides them the mutual satisfaction and pleasure the result of which normally should be that they safeguard their private parts from the rest of the world. Our creator, Who has kept in us the strong drive of sex does not require of us to suppress our drive unnaturally. Allah wants us to live a life that is in conformity with the teachings of the Shari`ah, the ultimate object of which is to gain the level of purification that shall make us eligible to enter the everlasting bliss of our Lord. To achieve this goal, in my opinion, one of the things of utmost importance is to have a very pleasurable and gratifying relationship with one’s spouse. Such a relationship, in turn is likely to provide us with the control and ability to safeguard ourselves from breaking the laws of Allah.

Islam does not give any specific directions regarding the allowance or otherwise of oral sex. In my opinion, the answer to this question should be sought in the light of the above explanation. It seems that one of the things that is required of the relationship between a husband and wife is that it should provide them with the mutual pleasure and gratification that helps them in removing all their frustrations and thereby allows them to live a purified life.

Anal sex, in my opinion, is against the natural make-up and physiological structure of a female body. It is therefore that I believe that even though the Shari`ah does not categorically prohibit it, it would be in accordance with the teachings of the Shari`ah to refrain from it.

Sexual relationship between a husband and wife can be solely for the purpose of satisfying the sexual drive/need, pleasure and gratification. It would have been unnatural to restrict the allowance of sex only to making babies. Sex is a strong drive/need in the human body. The Shari`ah, thus imposes no undue restrictions on it. The Qur’an has recognized this fact. It says:

"And from among His (i.e. God’s) signs is that He created for you your pairs, of your own kind so that you may get satisfaction and gratification from them and He has therefore kept in you love and mercy for the other." (Al-Ru’m 30: 21)

I hope this helps.

Regards.

The Learner