Problems
of a Convert Muslim
I
have a question about obedience to parents. I read your answers to other
questions on this topic. They helped but they were not enough for me. I was born
into a strict and traditional Christian family. I have converted to Islam with
Allah's grace. However, no one in my family knows. It makes it difficult for me
to practice as I have to make excuses to avoid eating at home, as the food is
not halaal and so on.
My
parents also expect me to marry a Christian man, they would never accept
anything else. I could not accept this as I want to raise my children as
Muslims. I want to tell my parents because I know that practicing in secret will
prohibit my from fulfilling my duties to Allah. I do not fear my parents for I
know that I should only fear God. It is only that I fear making my parents
physically ill when I tell them.
I
know it sounds horrible but me becoming a Muslim, I know is inconceivable and
will be very unacceptable to them. My mum and dad both have a habit of becoming
sick when they hear bad news, and this will be bad news to them. I also worry
about my younger brother and sister. My brother is young and he needs to be
looked after by my parents. My sister is also younger then me. As we live in a
very traditional and strict Arabic society, I worry that no one will marry her
if they find out what I believe in. It sounds silly, but I have seen it happen
at least twice before.
I
want to move out of home and try to maintain my relationship with my family.
However, I am scared of all these consequences. I keep reading the Qur’an al
karim in search of answers. I feel that I have to fully obey Allah. I know that
in the end, it is a personal decision, but I need some advice on what Allah
would require me to do in the circumstances.
Can
you help?
Reply
Assalaam
Alaikum, Sister
Indeed your circumstances don't make any one possible action to be more worthy
of being recommended than the others. At the end of the day, it's going to be
your decision based on the understanding of your circumstances. However, there
are a number of possibilities you can consider. One possibility is to continue
to follow the same policy as you are doing now. As you have mentioned, it is not
helping and it's likely to cause more harm if it is followed any further. The
other option – which I strongly recommend – is that you pray to Allah
Almighty and then break the news to your parents. I have a strong feeling that
even though there is going to be some reaction initially, it is going to die
down. The crucial element in this strategy will be your good, intelligent
behavior. Tell them that despite your change in faith you are still their
daughter and that you owe them even more respect and attention from the point of
view of your new faith. Don't unnecessarily preach to them if they get
irritated; just create a good example and be patient. Insha'Allah, you
will see that your conditions would improve. As far as the marriage of your
sisters is concerned, you should again pray to Allah for that, but beyond that
you don't have any obligation.
Let's
not forget that changing our circumstances is in the hands of Allah. We should
do our bit as best as we can; He is most certainly going to do His. And I tell
you, He never disappoints. May Allah help you.
Use this "Home Page" link only if you have opened this page by following an external link