By becoming more pious, or at least making an effort to become more pious, I have found that my libidinal desire, which was so intense in my early teenage years, has been driven inward, suppressed, and no longer a source of mental pleasure. Since we are not allowed go even near lewdness according to the Qur’an, this seems ideal. Yet I worry that when it comes time to finding a mate, who would probably expect sexual satisfaction from a partner, both of us would be disappointed in terms of sex. There is too much guilt, inhibition, and uneasiness associated with sexuality for me to enjoy it, either physically or mentally. Should I pray that, when the time for marriage comes around, God grant me libidinal energy again? Or should I tacitly accept the disappointment, with the hope that whatever is offered in Paradise (if I make it there, inshaAllah) would more than compensate for any sacrifice made in this life?
It is a natural phenomenon that when a person discovers the truth and finds the reality of his relationship with his Creator, this discovery has a tremendous impact on his spiritual feelings, emotions and his daily activities of life. It seems from your question that you are also going through a similar stage. It is a blessing of God on you that He directed you towards becoming pious. I pray that God make your journey successful and smooth, and strengthen you to face every difficulty of your life courageously and successfully.
The success in the Hereafter entirely depends upon how we spend our lives in this world and how much we are conscious of not stepping out of the boundaries, which God has sketched around us. A very important point in this regard should be kept in mind that God wants us to maintain a complete balance in each and every aspect of our life. When we analyze the directives of the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet, we discover that each of these directives guides and motivates us towards achieving this balance in our lives.
Moreover, God wants us to fully enjoy all His bounties, which He has bestowed upon us in the life of this world. Since He has kept the strong drive of sex in every normal human along with the other needs like food and sleep etc., it is therefore, the requirement of Islam that a pious person should not try to suppress it unnaturally.
Mr. Moiz Amjad, in one of his response, writes that:
Our creator, Who has kept in us the strong drive of sex does not require of us to suppress our drive unnaturally. Allah wants us to live a life that is in conformity with the teachings of the Shari’ah, the ultimate object of which is to gain the level of purification that shall make us eligible to enter the everlasting bliss of our Lord. To achieve this goal, in my opinion, one of the things of utmost importance is to have a very pleasurable and gratifying relationship with one’s spouse. Such a relationship, in turn is likely to provide us with the control and ability to safeguard ourselves from breaking the laws of God.
It is quite clear from the foregoing explanation that you should not feel any guilt in this regard, and should not suppress your libidinal desires. It would save you and your potential spouse from any disappointment and dissatisfaction in your coming marital life.
I hope this helps.
Ameer Abdul Basit
May 29, 2002