Question
Imam Sahib, further to your reponse, can you please shed thoughts in the light of Quran and Sunnah on the following queries;
- In case of marriage, should an istikhara be done without the parents actually meeting each other and trying to exchange information and evaluate to the best of their knowledge? Should it be an act of intuition or should it be done after seeking knowledge on practicality and feasibility of the issue to the best of one’s knowledge?
- What should one do if the other party is content to do an Istikhara by somebody else either pious or from the family but somebody who is not directly involved in the matter or doesn’t have anything at stake? How reliable can be an advice from such a person?
- In such a case, is it advisable to refrain from the matter or should one try to convince the party to establish practical facts and feasibility and base judgements on this rather than Istikhara done by somebody else?
- Is it recommended to do Istikhara again if the situation and circumstances change? Should the parents wish to meet each other to discuss possibilities, would this constitute a change of circumstances? Should a Istikhara be done in this case?
- What if one party feel like that they should go ahead with the matter in question after doing an Istikhara and the other party is hesitant or reluctant after doing the Istikhara on the same mattter? Should there be the need to discuss more with each other on the matter and analyse more by both parties?
- Correct me in the light of Quran and Sunnah if I am wrong, Incase if one party agrees and the other is reluctant, they should discuss the matter with each other more as Allah shouldn’t guide two parties differently on the same matter. Is it because of the lack of information or confusions to the two parties to have differing thoughts after Istikhara.
- Is Istikhara a source of seeking help from Allah or inviting Allah to be a part of the decision or a mix of two?
- What can be quoted to a person who relies on an Istikhara being done by other people in reference to the Quran and Sunnah?
Your advice in the light of Quran and Sunnah will be highly appreciated. I am really confused and don’t know should I refrain from this matter or try to convince the other party?
JazakAllah
Answer
You write:
1. In case of marriage, should an istikhara be done without the parents actually meeting each other and trying to exchange information and evaluate to the best of their knowledge? Should it be an act of intuition or should it be done after seeking knowledge on practicality and feasibility of the issue to the best of one’s knowledge?
Istikhara is not bound by such rules. Parents have nothing to do with it, it is a dua’a (i.e. supplication) towards God for guidance on a particular matter. One should react to the situation in the wisest way possible.
You write:
2. What should one do if the other party is content to do an Istikhara by somebody else either pious or from the family but somebody who is not directly involved in the matter or doesn’t have anything at stake? How reliable can be an advice from such a person?
Each person may do as they please. However, if one were to look at the words and the spirit of the supplication, it would be more appropriate if one were to do it him or herself. The advice has no religious bearing. If the person has advice you may take it or leave it, it is your choice. The reliability of the advice depends on the reliability of the person and how trustful you are of what he says.
You write:
3. In such a case, is it advisable to refrain from the matter or should one try to convince the party to establish practical facts and feasibility and base judgments on this rather than Istikhara done by somebody else?
Istikhara is the request for God to guide us in our personal matters. It does not negate using our intellect or proper judgments, thus we should follow that path. After all, that would be God’s guidance.
You write:
4. Is it recommended to do Istikhara again if the situation and circumstances change? Should the parents wish to meet each other to discuss possibilities, would this constitute a change of circumstances? Should a Istikhara be done in this case?
There are no limits to how many times you can perform Istikhara regardless if the matter remains the same or changes.
You write:
5. What if one party feel like that they should go ahead with the matter in question after doing an Istikhara and the other party is hesitant or reluctant after doing the Istikhara on the same mattter? Should there be the need to discuss more with each other on the matter and analyse more by both parties?
This is not a religious matter. It is something for both parties to figure out.
You write:
6. Correct me in the light of Quran and Sunnah if I am wrong, Incase if one party agrees and the other is reluctant, they should discuss the matter with each other more as Allah shouldn’t guide two parties differently on the same matter. Is it because of the lack of information or confusions to the two parties to have differing thoughts after Istikhara.
Again, this has nothing to do with a religious question. If the parties are hesitant they should discuss the matter and decide wisely.
You write:
7. Is Istikhara a source of seeking help from Allah or inviting Allah to be a part of the decision or a mix of two?
It is a prayer to receive guidance from God and thereafter knowing that whatever decision one has made it has been with the help of God.
You write:
8. What can be quoted to a person who relies on an Istikhara being done by other people in reference to the Quran and Sunnah?
One should quote the words of the Istikhara prayer itself. These are clearly the words whereby the individual who is deliberating a decision is seeking God’s guidance in helping him take the decision which is more suitable for him for the life of this world as well as for the hereafter and is requesting peace of mind and heart at it.
I hope this helps.
God knows best.